If it's possible for a person to be more than 100% certain, then I was; I was 1000% certain that The Church of Jesus Chris of Latter-day Saints was THE ONE true church on the earth. That Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and that the Book of Mormon was the word of God and the most correct book on earth and held the literal history of the ancient inhabitants of the Americas and the record of when Jesus visited them after his crucifixion.
I KNEW IT.
I knew it was ALL true.
I proved it by suppressing my authentic self for 40 years
I proved it by accepting every calling (YM pres, EQ pres, Ward Clerk, Bishopric counselor, and more)
I proved it by regularly reading my scriptures, praying, fasting, and sooo much more.
I proved it by attending every Sunday and all my church meetings.
I proved it by paying nearly $200,000 in tithes and offerings.
I proved it by serving a full time mission.
I proved it by raising my children in the church.
...but what proved how deeply and total my faith in Mormonism was, even more than all of those things, is that I made significant sins. I had sex when I shouldn't have. Each time this resulted in horrific guilt and shame and a disciplinary council by the church leaders. Each time I was given punishment that placed me in bad-standing with the church and everyone knew it. Each time I became depressed and suicidal in the depths of shame. Each time I fought my way back through all that shame to once again be in good standing with the church. Each time it was SO very hard, SO very embarrassing, and I KNEW each time that I had deeply disappointed EVERYONE that I knew, including God Almighty.
I had faith.
I had extraordinary faith to go through that HELL for my religion.
A religion I later found out was a FRAUD.
