My entire worldview has crumbled. The framework (Mormonism) by which I understood the world and the universe and the afterlife has proven to be false. The trauma of this is huge. I feel like the ground beneath my feet has fallen away and the sky above me is crashing down. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm afraid all my relationships, family, friends, are about to end because I no longer believe as they do.
How am I supposed to find my new center? How do I gain my bearings again? How do I identify, establish, and affirm my values, my goals, my purpose? Are they the same? Are they totally different? Who am I without Mormonism? Who should I be? Who do I want to be? Who can I be?
I write this because I need to know how I can move forward.
I can only do what I can do.
Which is to say that I cannot do everything, but I can do a lot.
I cannot control how others deal with this change. I can control how I interact with others and try to always make that as healthy and positive as possible. I can begin to create for myself a new, healthy, positive worldview and a vision for who I really want to be and what I really want to do with my future. I need to remember that this won't, nor should it, happen over night. In fact, it will happen every day for the rest of my life and that is a good thing.
I cannot simply be angry with what has happened. I feel it. I know I have to allow myself to feel it and process the anger, the sadness, the disappointment, but I do not want to live there for long. I want to believe that my future is one of opportunity, joy, happiness, light and truth. I know I have a road to travel in order to get there, one day at a time, but get there I must.
I have a void to fill. In the way I think and understand and on what values and principals I make decisions based on. In the past this was all prescribed for me. Now it is not. I am free to be the authentic me, but who am I?
I imagine many of you are asking these same questions... I don't know your answers but I'll tell you how I am looking for mine.
I need to look forward more than I look back. Since most of my ideas about how the universe is has crumbled, I need new ideas. After Mormonism crumbled for me I felt both relief and emptiness. I was relived that I no longer was locked into a system of ideas that in many cases didn't feel quite right, ideas that felt coercive, ideas that blanketed me in guilt and obligation, ideas that conflicted with common sense, or were contrary to sound scientific evidence or rational thinking.
I no longer needed to believe anything that didn't make sense, and this was deeply liberating.
To fill the void I started to read and listen to thoughtful writers and thinkers. Here are the books I read (and I know there are SO many more worth reading). I give a very quick reason why I liked the books below:
- The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell
- I learned that myth and stories are powerful and important but can be hijacked and become overloads when taken literal. The power of myth and stories is to help us have a healthy view on the hero's journey that we all take in life in our own unique way but that often follows patterns (coming of age, overcoming trials, dealing with setbacks, etc.) Each of us is a hero in our own hero's journey.
- The Hero's Journey by Joseph Campbell
- I learned to appreciate and love my journey rather than regret and be ashamed of it. I learned that the purpose of life isn't to achieve some specific goal (and when I fall short that then I should loath my failures) but rather the purpose of life is to LIVE IT! To have the full experience of being alive! With all the good, the bad, the ugly that goes with it and to not be ashamed of any of it.
- What the Budda Taugh by Walpola Rahula
- I do not consider myself Buddhist but I do find a lot of the teachings to be very impactful and powerful to a healthy way of understanding and dealing with our lives. Understanding suffering and how to limit its impact on our lives.
- The End of Faith by Sam Harris
- This book broke through the overload of irrational thinking that religion had enslaved me in for my whole life. It was liberating to hear a voice of such clear thinking and give me the gift of teaching me that I no longer needed to believe in anything that didn't make sense.
- Waking Up (A guide to spirituality without religion) by Sam Harris
- We do have spiritual experiences, but these experiences are not evidence of a given religion, rather they are evidence that we are deeply complex creatures and by learning more about our spiritual nature we can find increase peace, harmony, and capacity to live healthy lives.
- The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday
- Teaches powerful strategies for new ways of looking at life and obstacles and seeing these events as THE WAY to our better future.
- The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday
- This is my new bedside bible. I HIGHLY recommend everyone have this book and read from it every day for the rest of your life. One page (or less) each day of the year to provide an empowering truth that can change us from helpless, overwhelmed, lost, victims to empowered, strong, confident. But it take commitment to keep these principles in our minds so they can transform the way we see life and therefore the way we live.
- Why Evolution is True by Jerry Coyne
- I had always minimized evolution. I knew it must be true at some level, but it conflicted with my religion and the bible stories, so I always put it aside. Now I wanted to know more. And now I know how true it is, there is mountains of evidence to support it and I am free to accept it and it feels great.
- Long Walk to Freedom by Nelson Mandela
- There are so many biographies worth reading, I recommend MANY of them. IT is powerful to read about the lives of others who go through difficult times and see as they do their best to apply principles of Stoisim to get through it, because the universal truth is... We can only do what we can do with the day that is today.
- God is not Great by Christopher Hitchens
- If you want to be strong in your ideas, your beliefs, you need to have the courage to face the strongest critics and see if your ideas hold up. You should be willing to let go of poor ideas if there are better ideas to be had.
- The Demon-Haunted World by Carl Sagan
- This book is a beautiful discussion about the nearly infinite value of clear thinking, the approach of science to efforts in understanding the world. Sagan discusses the phenomenon of alien abductions to illustrate his arguments (even as one who is supportive of the SETI project). This really gave me a deeper reverence for those who with discipline leverage the methods of science to advance human understanding of the universe.
- The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
- This book is deep, easily read by anyone, but I think if I had not previously been studying Buddhism, mindfulness, Stoic philosophy, read Waking Up by Harris, and so forth... I might have not been prepared to really understand the significance of what Tolle talks about in this book. Since I did have that background, this book is hitting me like a ton of bricks (the good ones) and it is helping me really sink into the power and peace of the present.
- The Mind Illuminated by Culadasa (John Yates, PhD)
- The power of all these ideas which I have harvested from the books and schools of thought above cannot be overstated IMO. This book take much of it and puts it into a process that can be followed so that one is not overwhelmed by the magnitude of it all and get lost not knowing how to navigate such a profound journey of the mind, body, soul.
- The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts
- Watts does a beautiful and brilliant job at helping articulate the life changing truth of the present moment being all that is and where we spend our lives and how everything else is illusions of the mind, narratives, ego, psychological constructs that cause suffering almost endlessly.
I also have been utilizing a professional coach over the past few months and it has helped me in many ways to dig deep, think new thoughts, champion myself-heath and path of healing. I highly recommend coaching for everyone. I believe everyone deserves a coach in life. It is a wonderful act of self-love and self-care.
I also have a few podcasts that I really enjoy.
- EconTalk
- Russ Roberts is an economist that has a podcast series that discusses all aspect of life. Some topics are economics focused but he does this in a very accessible non-technical way for an audience that is not experts in economics. No math or things like that to get us normal folks lost.
- Waking Up
- Sam Harris's podcast talks about all sorts of interesting aspects of life in a conversational way that is very thoughtful.
- Dan Carlin
- Dan has two podcast series, Hardcore History and Common Sense, both are wonderful if learning about this place called earth and all that has and is going on in it is interesting to you.
- Writing Excuses
- I love to write so I include this as an example of the countless podcasts out there that can teach you more about your favorite hobby. Maybe it's gardening, motorcycles, quilting, whatever... and maybe you don't know what it is yet so go exploring and see what you can introduce to your life that will bring you joy and fulfillment.
- Secular Buddhism
- A wonderful podcast if you would like to explore the ideas of Buddhism in a way that is very understandable.
Or perhaps you want to do audio books... the point is...
Learn.
Learn and learn and learn... and I don't mean that in a stuffy, obligatory way like going to school, but in a casual way of having good rewarding, open-minded conversations (either live or via technology).
That is my advice. Fill your time with thoughtful and constructive ideas from a variety of sources. Discover which ideas build you up, make you stronger, give you peace and strength and hope. Hold onto those, actively focus on applying them to your daily life, and any ideas that don't help you today, let them go.
For me I gain a lot of joy in life from talking with people about their lives, their experiences, their wins, their losses, their sorrows, their triumphs, and just their thoughts in general about this incredible thing we call life! So while I find that due to my faith transition many of my family and friends no longer are comfortable talking with me about some things, I use books, podcasts, and things like that to fill the void. It's not the same as a face to face two-way conversation but it's something, and something wonderful.
Find new friends that you can safely share ideas with and hear theirs. This doesn't mean that the friends must share your ideas. Some of the most wonderful conversations I have had (even before leaving Mormonism) have been with kind, respectful, and thoughtful atheists. The point is, that people who you can have friendly, open, honest, conversations on nearly any topic under the sun without contention or judgement entering in is one of the greatest gifts in this life. Look for those people and make friends with them and take good care of them. They are priceless.
That is all I have right now for you folks. I am only 7 months or so into my own faith transition and this is what has helped me so far... I wish you the very best with your journey.
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